Saturday, December 5, 2009

Bitchery: Shining Force II

There are 15 pieces of Mithril hidden in the entire world of Shining Force II. Finding most of them is ridiculously obtuse, because some of them are hidden in random mountain ranges on the main map, with nothing unique about them.

They are important to find, though, because if you want to pimp out your final party with the best weapons, well then you better have at least 12 pieces of Mithril because you have to have the Dwarven Blacksmith forge them for you.

Oh! But to get to the Dwarven Blacksmith, you need the Dry Stone, found in a nondescript fire pit halfway through the game! And it is not explained what it does. Ever. So to get to the blacksmith, you need to use this "Dry Stone" on a river, so that particular part of the river dries up and parts like the Red Sea (the game gives you no hint whatsoever to do this), and then you can enter his town.

Then, after all that, you have to give a piece of mithril to the blacksmith, and he will ask you who you would like him to make a weapon for, and you must also hand over 5000 gold.

The kicker? The little sonofabitch has the sack to make whatever weapon he wants, so long as the person hes making it for can equip it! There are Mithril weapons that are the best weapons in the game, and then there are Mithril weapons that aren't even as good as the ones you likely already have equipped!

Guess which weapons are rarer? If you guessed "the good ones," you were right! You are more likely to get a piece of crap weapon, after all that work you have done throughout the entire game than to get something halfway decent, much less the best weapon in the game. So, what do you do? You save the game, and keep resetting until you get the weapon you want.

That isn't too bad, right? Oh, but it is! The nearest save point is basically three screens away from the little dwarf bastard you need to talk to in order to get Mithril weapons, and once you hand over a piece of Mithril, you have to exit the town, re-enter, and walk your Hero ass all the way back to him! And sometimes, a NPC will walk right in your way, and you have to wait for that stupid asshole to move before you can keep going, and after all that, you get a Critical Sword, again! Now you get to start the whole process over because that is the worst sword the fucker can give you!

I think it would be fair to say that after I had found all those pieces of Mithril, the stupid Dry Stone, and how to use the stupid thing to get to the stupid town itself, I should be able to say to the little fuck "Hey, here is a piece of Mithril. Here's 5000 gold. Now make me a Gisarme, or I will burn you alive you little dwarf piece of shit! Don't want to burn alive? Oh, okay. You see this little phoenix guy here? Yeah, well he shoots tornadoes, you dick. Prefer something else? Okay, the rest of my guys here all have really sharp objects they like to poke people with. Sure, they may not be as sharp as ones you can make, you little prick, but I don't think you'd appreciate the distinction much when you are being crucified by twelve people at once! ...Oh! Thank you for the Gisarme! I didn't even have to go on a pointless walk for it! Now I can go about my business and finish the damn game without having to wander around this stupid place with the worst music in the game for fifteen hours to get a stupid sword that boosts my attack by like ten or whatever.

Fuck."

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